Panic

Sep. 14th, 2015 02:35 pm
melle_chantilly: (DisbeliefHouse)

Aaah, I am so stressed out because I'm seeing a new gyno for the first time tomorrow. I couldn't get an appt with the one I wanted (who's recced on a website listing feminist and progressive gynos [Edit: link added] in France) but it's her colleague in the same office. 

I've been trying to get my tubes tied for the past 8 years. I was told to wait till I was 30 by my former gyno (who retired last December) and at 30 she told me to wait till I was 35 bc no surgeons would agree to the procedure.

I just want my agency. Is it too much to ask for?

Ugh.

melle_chantilly: (hood)
I'm doing good these days. I've been knitting and spinning almost with no restraint, taking only a few breaks when my shoulders start aching. I feel like I'm on the right track, recovering faster than I thought possible. Recovery isn't the right word though. I'm learning to deal with the new forms of chronic pain well, taming my body and regaining my mobility and ability to make things with my hands. It feels amazing after so many sterile months.

I'm planning the next milestones, in terms of physical achievements. The next goal is going to PMD in January with Clémentine, and enjoying myself fully. Travel will be longer than what I've done for the past year, so that's what is stressing me out the most. If it goes well, the next step will be festivals. I'd love to either go to WGT with Clémentine or Maschinenfest with Math. I know I'll most likely never be able to enjoy festivals like an able-bodied person, since right now one concert is already a feat in itself. Standing still for more than an hour is very painful, still, and often I have to skip opening acts or leave early. PMD will already tests my limits quite a bit, actually. But I want to do it, and it'll be just like the usual, but bigger. If I have to go sit in a corner in the middle of a show, to let the pain rush over me, that's what I'll do. If I can't watch the show, I still get to hear it and I have to accept it's enough.

I'd love to figure out how starting to work again fits into all that. I miss working so much. Just doing something. Anything. I'd love to earn some money, of course. Money is tight right now, but I get what I need, I can manage with not much, and I don't get more than what feel I deserve (I'm so not done unpacking that). The primary reason I miss working is that I am deeply ashamed of not working. I feel like I can't rightfully justify my existence. I live a life of absolute luxury : I can do what I want of my time. But it feels so wrong. I feel like a fraud, that disability is too big a word for me. It most likely stems from the fact that my parents never supported or even acknowledged my illness, ever. I was told that it was all in my head by my mother, and when I mentioned any type of symptom, chronic pain, fatigue, she'd nod and say it was the same for her. Of course, everyone lives with tiredness and some kind of pain, so why am I the one to get special treatment. I can barely breathe typing this.

I've been thinking of what kind of job I could do. But I don't know how much I can do. I only started living again once I quit working (and after over a year of recovery). Pushing myself to work destroyed my health. I was in so much pain every day that I had to drink to make it go away. I was so tired we had to cancel our holiday trips more times than I can count because walking through an airport was not an option, when I couldn't even go down a flight of stairs. The last concert I went to before this year was 5 years ago. I had to sit, because standing was too difficult. I had to beg for a seat. I stopped giving all the energy I had to work, and I allowed myself to enjoy music again, to go out, to parties or just outside, and to have sex.

I still keep feeling fractured and incomplete, without work. It is a stupid standard I hold only myself to. People can work or not work, it is none of my business and I don't care. I firmly believe intellectually that we shouldn't define people through their economic value in a capitalist society. But I can't help feeling alienated and overcome with guilt. The alienation is also physical. I feel isolated from people, and it is quite natural when you consider I spent most of my life working in direct contact with the public.

My thoughts tend to go to freelance work first, trying to find new ideas. I did start two businesses successfully from the ground up before, so it makes sense. But wouldn't it be a smart idea to get myself back into the system at some point ? As an unemployed freelance, I am entitled to no benefits. I get dizzy when I think about retirement. And I know if I return to being self-employed, I could spiral into work addiction very fast again. I've been trying to think of places and jobs I could get hired for, a few days a week. But most jobs as a sales person would probably be way too physical, not to mention waitressing. It's a bit of a dead end for now. I'll keep looking. Typing all this was exhausting so it's just going to end a bit abruptly like that. If you read it, thank you.

melle_chantilly: (Ange anatomique)

Health

I saw the rheumatologist today. I was quite apprehensive because he's weird and we definitely started on the wrong foot a few appointments ago. Since then it's been improving and this consultation was good. He's very very tall, rather terse and a bit scary. But I felt he heard me and didn't dismiss anything I said. He also didn't criticize any of my doctors (which is something that irks me terribly. So many doctors do that and okay, I understand having differences of opinion, but saying that my other doctors are incompetents make me think that no one can take care of me, and that they're just busy measuring their dicks instead of trying to fix me. Yeah it's happened more than I can remember, so if everyone does that, who am I to trust in the end?) Anyway, it didn't happen, he actually said my GP was right to have me try Cymbalta. Too bad it didn't work.

Anyway, he examined me, looked at my blood tests and told me that my chronic pain problems weren't related to join issues, bone or muscle issues but to rather connective tissue (I think, I'm not sure that it's the proper English term). I did some blood work to show inflammation and muscle damage and everything was normal, and the examination he performed confirmed this.

So he said that given that I have TMJ, sleep issues, chronic headache/migraine and various aches that have been there for a while, it looked very much like fibromyalgia. I don't respond to all the diagnosis pressure points though.

He prescribed some Laroxyl (Amitriptyline, so Elavil in the US apparently), which I can start taking immediately, instead of Cymbalta. It is also an anti-depressant, and is used for pain relief and as a migraine preventive drug as well. So, fingers crossed. I have to start gradually and I have a mouth spray to help with possible dry mouth side effects (it's a concern since I already have a dry mouth to begin with).

I have to get my pelvis an ultrasound, to check for hernia, just in case.

Honestly, I'm relieved. I've been hurting for over a year and more and more disabled and my mind has been to dark places. I've already been living with the pain for over a year, anyway. I'm just scared in general to injure myself further (in the case of tendonitis for example) and this should not be an issue anymore. I still need to take care of myself and pace myself. :) I'm glad I have a treatment to try out and to have doctors who actually listen to me and try to actively to help.

Music

Back to yesterday, I listened to:

Encephalon – Psychogenesis

Synapscape – Traits

The Horrorist – Manic Panic

Gridlock – Formless

Chemlab – Burnout at the Hygrogen Bar

Claire Voyant – Time Again

Newt - 37°C

Henric De La Cour – Mandrills

Igorrr & Ruby My Dear – Maigre (I have to buy some RMD albums!)

Photography

Took some photos (the one I posted today, and a nude series while experimenting with blur).

Reading

I listened to Cervello Elettronico – Negate The Instigator while reading and fell asleep to Crisopa.

melle_chantilly: (Lutens)

Health

I'm not really dizzy anymore but I've been feeling really sleepy these past couple of days. I don't think it's the Valium because it's never done that to me before, so it must be the Cymbalta. We went to the dentist yesterday to have the imprint of my teeth made for the mouth guard, and as soon as we came home and I collapsed on the couch I zonked out. so. hard. To the point that Math tried to wake me for 10 MINUTES in vain (and I am as a light sleeper as it gets). Poor thing must have been quite worried and really thrown off.

He looked a bit on internet forums (I avoid doing that because I don't want to read horror stories) and apparently extreme fatigue or sleepiness are common symptoms when starting on Cymbalta and they wear off in a few weeks. If that's the deal, I'm okay with it. I can cope with that for a few weeks, it's not like I have much to do during the day anyway. It sucks a bit for Math though because it impacts the time I get to spend with him. But if it's temporary, we'll get through it.

There's another issue, I've been shy so far about mentioning it but it's my blog FFS so there you go! TMI: since I started Cymbalta I have a very hard time reaching orgasm. It is bothering me a great deal. And if this one doesn't resolve itself, it will definitely a deal breaker.

I'll assess the situation in a month or so and decide if Cymbalta is worth it or not.

Perfume

I wore Black Orchid, which feels comforting and empowering at the same time.

Music

Woke up in a rather good mood and started listening to Trust – TRST. Then I put up some Encephalon, Kirlian Camera, and my Happy Mixtape. :)


Then Math requested some mellow music, so I played some Rome (which he really loved), Recoil and Architect – Mine.

Photography

I have so many ideas of things I want to show and say on my new photography blog. I feel so inspired, and filled with a sense of purpose. It's a amazing feeling. Just what I needed.

I posted a few more images (including a full frontal nude one that I really love). I am doing myself violence each time I write about my weaknesses. This is something I am not used to do. It throws off a lot of people, including doctors. That's why I'm really grateful for my GP, who really gets me. She knows that when I say I hurt, it doesn't mean I'm mildly uncomfortable, it means pain is starting to have a problematic impact on my life. I know it's a lot to ask of doctors to be what is close to mind readers, but this seems to work out, so, again, I'm really grateful.

melle_chantilly: (Ange anatomique)
I got back last night around 11pm and Math picked me up at the train station. <3 I didn't do much during the weekend apart from going to the Meet & Greet, didn't go to the city centre at all, but on the upside, I didn't make my injuries any worse, which was my big worry, so that's a big win! I'm very happy I got to hang out with my friends and I probably rested more all in all than I would have in Paris (also their flat is so fresh! I had no headache for the whole weekend! And of course I woke up with one this morning, in our stuffy overheated flat, ugh).

I saw the physio today and we decided to take a break for a little while until I recover a little bit. I think rest is the best course of action for now so that's good.

I also have two things yet to try to get better regarding my neck/shoulders/migraines issues. First, get a mouth guard made. I'm seeing my dentist in a couple of weeks to have the mold made. Hopefully this should help with the teeth grinding/clenching and maybe solve some related issues since teeth can really impact on the neck, shoulders and cause headaches as well. Second, I want to stop taking my year-long migraine treatment since it seems to be ineffective now. I am already cutting down the dose (we had augmented with the neuro just before Xmas and I'm going back to where I was before since it didn't change a thing) and I'll quit completely with his advice. I have an appointment in a few weeks. The side effects of the drug (topiramate) are, among many others, muscle weakness, joint issues, and formication (which I definitely have and can't wait to be rid of because it's horrible. I constantly feel like there's a bug crawling under my clothes, multiple times a day. By now I know it's paresthesia but it's still freaky and I hate going to parks/gardens/places with bugs because of that). I don't know if I'll go without treatment or try yet another one, we'll see, but by now I am back to where I started when my migraine started 8 years ago, which is monthly crisis that last for about 2 weeks (except that now I have efficient pain meds).

So yeah, let's hope things progress one way or another. :)

Since I didn't go out in Amsterdam, I didn't spend as much as I thought I would so I bought a little music this morning. :) The latest Databomb Ka-Spel thing, the new Mr. Kitty song, and Ritual by Wychdoktor.
melle_chantilly: (Nelly Oleson)
She said I am indeed hyperactive. Does it mean I get to slap the bitch back next time?

#sorrynotsorry
melle_chantilly: (Lutens)

Continuing in the path of self-discovery and understanding, I have come to realize very recently that music has just taken a very important place in my life because in addition to bringing me a lot of pleasure, it serves a practical purpose.

I am hyper-aware, hyper-anxious, unable to relax and for these reasons and more, I can't focus on many tasks without doing something else at the same time. When I used to work at the workshop on my own, I had to put some music on, or an episode of The Good Wife I'd seen already 20 times, to prevent my thoughts from spiraling into anxiety and even anger (since I'd remember always and only the negative stuff to berate myself about). Background noise keeps these thoughts at bay. My mind is still able to wander, but it feels reined, and in these moments I will often make plans for the future or come up with creative ideas.

Knitting used to serve that purpose when I was able to do it, and there's been a few months where I felt absolutely bereft and almost unable to function because knitting was taken from me. Watching movies became very difficult and frustrating, even having long discussions with people was becoming a hardship. I've attributed it to brain fog or diminished cognitive function due to my illness in the past, probably mistakenly, but it's hard for me not to zone out of a conversation (or a board game play) if I'm not doing something else at the same time.

I feel like I'm able to pay more attention to a single thing by dividing my attention between two things. Does it sound counter intuitive? It's like one thing happening is not enough. I get twitchy and sore on my chair at the restaurant, I have a very very hard time reading a book with no music on (I read a page and check my email, and I hate myself for doing so).

Does it sound like ADHD? Maybe, a little bit. I'm not qualified to make that diagnosis, a lot of the symptoms fit, some don't. It would be hilarious though, since my mother used that “diagnosis” to justify her abuse. Anyway, let's not go there and call it an overactive brain. That's been established without a doubt by all the people in the medical field I've seen.

All this train of thought came up when we decided to cut the music off for a little while with Math and I tried to think about how it felt (since I'm otherwise listening to music during probably every single of my waking hours but one, I'd say). And I realized : it feels bad. Not just because I miss it and I'm certainly addicted (you know, I'm really into it, like it's my current thing :-) ) but also, I start to focus on all the noise around. The street noises, the neighbours, the pipes, and it makes my anxiety spike up in no time. And I can't shut it down. If we're having a sustained conversation, or watching a really good series, I still hear the cars and the people downstairs in the hallway talking to the janitor. With an hyper-aware brain, it never stops. And the people around me told me they don't hear anything. It's exhausting not to be able to shut off the “extra information” (that's also why I need to sleep with a fan on, to make white noise, otherwise the street noise drives me insane).

I've been walking a lot for the past 6 months (with music in my ears, naturally), and even more so recently since I'm not allowed to work out anymore, and Math has joined in on a few occasions. I don't play music when he's with me (although I wear headphones to keep me warm!) and it feels odd to be music-less, and he's often commented on how distracted I seemed. So I suggested yesterday I try actually listening to music on a very low level with him as well (since I'm already wearing headphones anyway), to see if it would make a difference. And of course, it did. We'll have to see in the long run if it doesn't impede our communication or make him feel uncomfortable, but I felt more energetic, walked faster (usually I have to ask Math to walk slower), felt more in the moment, and well, felt less fragile (Math had a panic attack and I think I probably would have freaked out otherwise, since I was feeling myself rather terrible yesterday, but I didn't).

I wondered if I had always been like that and it dawned on me that I spent my childhood drawing. Literally, you could not peel that pencil away from me. I'd draw in class (while listening and taking condensed notes, already in primary school). None of my teachers said anything to me, because they realized quickly that I was paying a lot more attention that many of my little friends. And at home, I was drawing too, but then the TV was on. All the time. It drew my parents insane (but they didn't forbid or limit it). So, yeah. Not new, I guess?

That is also maybe why I stopped drawing all of a sudden when I was a teenager. Because drawing was as much of a tool as it was a creative endeavour, and I found another tool to focus on then: music. And I stopped creating then, for a little while, but that's another story.

melle_chantilly: (Yarn)

(English after the cut)

Je suis désolée de devoir vous apprendre qu'à dater des fêtes de fin d'année je vais devoir mettre sur pause les activités de Dulcimer pour une durée indeterminée.

Comme certaines d'entre vous le savent déjà, je me suis blessée aux épaules en début d'année. Malheureusement, je ne parviens pas à me rétablir en conservant mon activité, très physique il faut bien le dire. J'ai déjà fait une petite pause cet été, mais elle n'a malheureusement pas été suffisante. Clémentine m'a énormément aidée ces derniers mois. C'est elle qui a pris en charge l'essentiel du processus de teinture, pendant que je m'occupais des activités de gestion.

Malheureusement, étant donné le stade de développement de Dulcimer, cela n'est pas une option viable, même à moyen terme, parce qu'il faut que je mette main à la pâte pour générer des revenus suffisants pour subsister.

C'est donc avec beaucoup de peine que j'ai pris la décision de cesser de teindre et de me consacrer à ma guérison. Qui prendra le temps qu’elle prendra. Malheureusement, je suis dans l'incapacité de vous dire aujourd'hui de quoi l'avenir est fait.

Nous acceptons les commandes, et nous avons réfléchi à des façons « saines » de les gérer si jamais leur influx devait être important. Hélas, ça n'est pas parce que nous vous faisons cette annonce que notre capacité de production va s'accroitre, donc nous risquons de devoir en refuser, et les délais risquent d'être un peu plus longs. Mais vous savez que je communique toujours, et ça ne va pas changer.

Selon la quantité de commandes, nous ferons ou non une vente avant mi-décembre. Cela fait beaucoup d'incertitudes, j'en suis consciente ! J'espère de tout cœur que vous comprendrez mon choix. La bonne nouvelle c'est que je vais pouvoir me remettre au tricot, alors que je n'ai pas pu toucher à mes aiguilles depuis février à cause de mes épaules, donc vous me reverrez sur les autres forums, en attendant !


melle_chantilly: (Valhalla)
It's been a while ! Wow. Here's what's happened lately :

I've started preventive meds for my migraines. The first week was rather hard because I was drowsy as hell/saying nonsense but was sleeping like a log. The drowsiness has worn off but I still sleep well (not waking up a zillion time) and WITHOUT EARPLUGS ! I had been sleeping every night with earplugs for years now and honestly, I didn't think I would ever be able to do without them. I've also had a couple of short headaches, instead of migraines. Nothing too long or too painful. I have a new migraine drug for the actual migraine attacks but I've been migraine-free so far.

We have an oven ! It's amazing ! I'm still working 4 days a week and having more energy on my days off so I've been cooking and baking quite a lot (compared to the past months since we've had the flat redone). With Math, we've made lasagna bolognese, raspberry and white chocolate muffins (twice), a carrot cake, burgers... I love cooking, I've missed it so much. Now that we have the oven, I seem to be able to find my marks in the new kitchen. Now I'd love to make another cheesecake (only ever made one at [livejournal.com profile] anatsuno's), kaab ghzal (Moroccan pastries that I have already made a few times), salmon lasagna, a grapefruit tart (lemon tart style, no idea how this would turn out), quiche lorraine, a chicken pie...

I've had an electromyography. It was not terribly unpleasant (having electrodes pinned into your hand side with needles isn't the nicest thing but it was okay). And I'm fine ! Nothing wrong with my nerves or muscles. The neuro said my leg pains might be related to my blood circulation. So I'm back to see my doc in a week and we'll see.

I haven't been wearing my corset as much as before because of my migraines and my general state. It might not be a bad thing since I was also unable to do yoga and I need to keep toning my tummy and back muscle when corseting. I have received the mock-up from Electra, sent an email about a few things regarding the fit. I am so excited ! I can't wait to have the final corset (although it turns less and less likely that I'll have it in time for my birthday).

I'm having a hard time reading. The migraine meds made it impossible in the beginning and even now, I'm slow and confused. But it'll pass, I'm sure. I'm 10 pages from the end of All Tomorrow's Parties and I can't seem to read more than one page at a time, so it's a bit frustrating lol.

I've started training a new (third) girl at work. She's a classmate of Clementine. She's keen and she's already showing some skills (after a couple of sessions).

I've started doing my make-up again almost ever day. I'm now sporting a brown pixie cut which makes it easier. I honestly felt like a clown with anything more than blush with my turquoise or pink hair. Not that I regret having bright-coloured hair, I sort of miss it but I like being able to blend in for now. I've treated myself and bought a bright red moisturising lipstick from Yves Saint Laurent and I wear it very often. I've also started painting my nails during weekends, while watching series. I've never been to keen on nail polish, except when I was a goth. It's fun ! My favourite colours now are a dark teal, a lime green and a mid grey. I might give myself a grey manicure today.:P

I'm still avoiding sugar as much as possible as an « experiment ». I'm having cheese for breakfast, no dessert most of the time, no more chocolate in the evening, unless I'm craving it (which is less and less since I've reduced my sugar intake) and a treat when I feel like it. I don't want to deprive myself or get frustrated, but the less sugar I eat, then less sugar I crave. I still bake and love eating my baking.:) I think I've only had one « hypoglycaemia » attack in a month (we're not sure it is hypoglycaemia, hence the quotation marks).

I've been watching : the IT Crowd (thanks to [livejournal.com profile] mirjaand [livejournal.com profile] x5nder) and I love it, despite a few annoying episodes, Unforgettable, whose main actress reminds me a great deal of Bianca Beauchamp (the show is ok so far, nothing ground-breaking), Prime Suspect, which is a chauvinistic-fest with an interesting female lead (mixed bag much), SVU without Meloni (*sadface*), The Field of Blood (a British 2 episode serie that I'm really loving. I still have to watch part two), Fringe (AWESOME!), House (season premiere was cool ! I love House, even now that it's getting crappier. The latest seasons I might not watch 5 times, I'll watch the first 4 ones a sixth...), Castle (it's fun, although I had totally missed the season finale, started watching the premiere and was all « Whut ??? »), Law and Order UK (Jamie Bamber \o/), Law and Order CI (as mind-numbing weekend marathons) and finally, I've started watching The Good Wife. I'm still at the beginning but I'm already completely hooked. I'm trying to resist the urge to marathon it, so I can make it last.

Today, I might bake, and watch a bunch of stuff while doing my nails. I'm off tomorrow too. I don't know what I will do, but I need to rest. I gave 12 people a latex crafting workshop yesterday. It was fun but super tiring.
melle_chantilly: (Hand on stone)
We're checking my cholesterol, triglycerides, and some antibodies, among which those for celiac's, and some other stuff I can't identify.

I feel spoiled not to have to go to the lab. Although my veins weren't helpful at all. Sometimes they are easy to spot, and sometimes they just can't be seen or felt.

The nurse couldn't find one in my elbow so she tried the one very visible on top of my wrist bone. She said she was sorry because it would be more uncomfortable. And the vein got busted. Ouch!

So back to the elbow! I had made her coffee so she decided we should wait with the tourniquet on. She drank her coffee and tried again. Success! 

The nurse apologized for the inconvenience, but she did her best. My veins just aren't cooperative sometimes. Now I'm waiting for a big bruise to appear on the top of my wrist.

I should wash too but each time I have my blood drawn, I am afraid to leak in the bath during the day. I know I know... ^^


I'm ok :)

Aug. 1st, 2011 12:51 am
melle_chantilly: (Default)
 Last week was okay. I'm back to my normal self. Work was less tiring that I thought it would be. I am still firmly decided to start working less a week from now on.
I will try to take an extra day off every 2 weeks, so I can start doing things again on my personal time. Up until now, I spent my weekends recovering from the week, unable to do anything. Going to holidays for a week at [livejournal.com profile] anatsuno  was really a wake up call. I love cooking. I also love chilling and watching movies, and not being exhausted from work makes it a whole lot more enjoyable. So I think an extra day would be perfect for this.
In order to cut myself breaks from work, I had decided to quit checking my work email in the evenings. Then I realized I would probably miss very important and urgent orders then (Gaga much?). So I've sort of changed my mind. ^^ But I have disabled the email ringtone from my iphone and it changes everything. Not being constantly reminded to check my inbox (especially when it's for junk mail) is fantastic. I find myself forgetting about my emails for hours and it feels good. I can still go check my email once in a while, but I don't feel on such a tight leash anymore.

Valentina is staying home for a few days and it's nice to get to know her (she is a German model who walked for the latest HMS show). We went to Marché St Pierre yesterday and I finally found the fabric for my corset. Tonight we had diner with Florence, Berenice and Gemma and then had a drink in Le Marais.

That's it for today!
melle_chantilly: (Lutens)
I've been doing yoga everyday for 15-20 mins for a week now and it feels so good! I haven't lost much strength and I'm regaining some flexibility quickly. I've been focusing on my hamstrings a lot and I can already feel some improvement. Despite really not wanting to see myself while yoga-ing, I asked Math to take a photo of my position in downward-facing dog and it helped me straighten my legs a lot.

I was afraid to push too much on my arms at first, because of the grief my wrists and shoulders were giving me. I tried to be as gentle as possible on the couple first days to see if it was harming me. But the pain started to actually go away. Now it's all gone. Seriously guys, yoga rocks!

It was my mum's birthday on Tuesday. She came over and we had a lovely meal at the restaurant. We did a lot of cleaning and tidying before she arrived so now there are only about 4 boxes to empty and the same amount to give/dispose of. The entrepreneur is finishing the small things left in the apartment himself. He should come paint the radiators on Tuesday and install new door handles and then we should be DONE!

We had out exhibition opening with Math on Friday. It was a great night, even though I was exhausted and just sat on my ass waiting for people to come to me all evening. Lots of friends came, many we hadn't seen in a long while.

Also, I've finally got feedback on the huge job and it turns out Lady Gaga's stylist loved my work! Yeah, you read that right! I don't think it will be visible anywhere this time but I'm on their roster now. *beams*

I'm in the process of hiring a second assistant. I am so so tired. I will probably have to find a bigger workshop before the end of the year too. I need to recover some energy. Some work days are just excruciating and I cannot take a day off.
melle_chantilly: (Glossy Red Lips)
A list feels like less writing to do when in the end it's pretty much the same with lots of dashes:

Good:

-Did yoga for the first time in months. It's like discovering it again. It is awesome!

-We did the first prototype for the next collection yesterday, plus a super accessory. I can't say much but I am proud! Also, brainstorming with someone instead of thinking hard on my own is so good! And so productive!

-I haven't worn my spoon pendant in a while. I sorta forgot about it. It's good news.

-Having a full length mirror at a reasonable distance makes me want to dress pretty. I can finally see what I actually look like, win!

-I know it's old news for most but me, but: baking soda rocks! Why bother with detergents when it cleans a lot of stuff effortlessly (esp the tub! Also I'm always afraid to take a bath and not to have rinsed the detergent properly. Baking soda is good for the skin, double win!)

-Scored the most beautiful Marc Jacob silk skirt in a 2nd hand shop for less than what you'd pay for a silk skirt at Zara. Will wear it for our exhibition opening.

-Currently reading Thérèse Raquin by Zola. Love that book. I didn't remember much of it and what I remember I haven't read yet (and I've read 90% of the book. Um... wondering if I'm confused with another book? Lol)

-The bathroom is finished. The kitchen is 95% finished (we have to put some knife racks and rails up and buy an new oven and fridge). The bedroom is 95% finished (we have to put the curtains up -and buy some art for the wall, but this is going to take some time). The living room is still messy with boxes but they should clear quick once we have built the new bookcases.

-Watched the Millenium trilogie and I have a girl crush on Noomi Rapace. :3

Not good:

-My wrists and arms have been hurting like crazy for the past week. It wakes me up at night and in the morning. I don't know where it's coming from. Too much work? Bed? Random shit?

-I fucked up trying to put a shelf on the wall. Eep! I have to fix my shit and try again tomorrow.

-So, yeah, the huge job I mentioned earlier didn't pan out as well as it could have. I did land a huge order and got well paid for it, but it was supposed to be showcased on a huge TV event and that did not happen. Heh, next time!

I'm not sure (lol):

-The cat is perplexed by the double mirrors on our new wardrobe. It's an angle one so she sees multiple cats instread of one reflection. She stares at it a lot and meows.
melle_chantilly: (Default)
 We've just had lunch and again, I couldn't finish my “plate” (well, it was takeaway and we ate from the boxes but whatev :P). Don't worry, I'm far from starving myself, but it's weird.

Lately my taste buds have gone haywire. I seem to be getting super sensitive to strong tastes and lots of things I really loved eating almost make me gag now. It is strange and I'm not used to it, so I often end up with food in my plate that looked yummy and that I end up having a hard time eating.

It is probably linked to my becoming hypersensitive to most stimuli. Sound and smell mostly, but also touch to a lesser extent. I find myself attracted mostly to bland food lately, rice, milk, bread, the plainest cheese, chocolate (hehe), and stronger things I used to love most often taste too strong for me now: beef, scallops, cooked fish... The distortion between what I want to eat and what I actually enjoy is the weirdest.

Anyone ever experienced something similar?

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melle_chantilly

July 2016

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