melle_chantilly: (Default)
Ohai everyone. Woop, it's Xmas soon ! We got a tree today (that has yet to be decorated) and the general preparations make me all bouncy !

Also, I got myself an early present and bought a Macbook Air second hand yesterday. It looks brand new, and it's so lightweight and pretty. I'm getting used to it quicker than anticipated.

I'm still running several times a week. I went to the podiatrist and he made me orthopaedic insoles to correct an imbalance that caused various minor ailments. He was nice and showed me some stretching exercise.

I'm progressing very slowly. It is fair to say that I have never really exercised in my life apart from recent yoga at home. I managed to do as little as possible in PE at school, if anything (I was a well-liked kid and managed to get away with being super bratty sometimes).

I bought a heart rate belt which helps finding a good pace so I don't get out of breath. I started the C25K plan but I'm more or less stuck at week 1. Oh well. I enjoy myself and it does me good. It isn't surprising that I need time to find my pace and improve my stamina. I actually walk a lot and run some, but it isn't frustrating at all.

Two days ago though, I was running in the park and saw a young woman getting pushed and yelled at by a guy. She was crying rather hysterically and the guy seemed very agitated. I was afraid to step in and regretted deeply the fact that I wasn't carrying my phone with me to call the cops. Luckily a tall man got involved, breaking up the fight (well, pushing the man away) and we could talk a bit to the woman. She told me the man was her ex and that he wouldn't leave her alone. The ex decided to go on the bridge, climb over the fence and announced that he was jumping. Now, I have been in an abusive relationship that ended up in a very similar fashion to what I was witnessing. And you know what, fuck the guys who want to pretend to kill themselves to emotionally blackmail their exes into coming back to them. That's not how relationships work. Ever.

So I took the woman with me inside of a restaurant and asked the waiter to call the cops. I told her that I was in a relationship like that before, that I understood was she was going through. I wish I had time to say more but I guess the ex saw his act wasn't working, because he was soon following us in the restaurant. He tried to force her out with him but other people stepped in. So he went out and screamed at everyone that he loved her, blah blah blah. I'm amazed that some guys think it's reasonable to shove women around and scream at them and make them cry to prove their love. I'm even more amazed that I was this woman a few years ago.

I remember distinctly that before we arrived he was pulling her towards the bridge so I still wonder if his intention was not to have her jump with him or plain push her. I was so fucking relieved to see that other people got involved and props to the guy who jumped in first. I am not proud to say that I chose to walk away once a dozen people were involved. I couldn't reach the girl and I was scared. My hair colour and my glasses make me a rather identifiable person and I was afraid the guy would remember me and go after me if we ever were to cross path again. I still am a bit afraid but if he is anything alike my ex, I don't think anything of that kind will ever happen. Not that he was anything but awful, but not to the point of assaulting strangers in the street.

Anyway, this was rather triggering. It made me revive years of abuse and this morning I woke up with the horrible feeling of resignation I had in me all these years. Remembering how inescapable it felt. I hope that young woman manages to find a way out. Soon.
melle_chantilly: (Default)
So,  I hurt my knee. I didn't do anything really, it just started hurting after I ran once. I ran twice on it, because I'm stubborn. Last time was Wednesday. Now I've decided to stop running until it stops hurting, I'm putting ice and some cream on it. I'm so frustrated not to be able to go running ! I really miss it ! It feels like I haven't gone in forever, when I went 4 days ago. It's insane.

In other news, I am still sleeping without earplugs, even though I have reduced my Nocertone intake by half (it's the migraine meds that made me completely useless). It's great and weird, since I had been sleeping systematically with earplugs for several years. I think that the first week of sleeping without plugs, when super drowsy with the meds, made a click in my brain somehow and I realized I could do it and even though I heard the noise around, it didn't disturb me.
Anyway it's pretty cool because earplugs can be uncomfortable. And I'm not in my bubble any more when I go to bed with Math. Before it was : Okay let's go to bed ! Now, earplugs, OKTHXBAI. It's better now.:)

I've been quite depressed and anxious lately. I've started taking valerian caps and it seems to help with no side effects. I'm feeling a bit better. ^_^
melle_chantilly: (Valhalla)
I've started running a few days ago, after my doctor advised me to. I'm loving it. I'm still quite in awe to be honest.

I saw my internist on Wednesday and she said that if my main issue was exhaustion, it could help to do more sports, things a bit harder than yoga. I wasn't pleased to hear it but it seems she's got great authority on me because I went running for the first time the day right after our appointment.

I don't think I have exercised that much since high school. I've never enjoyed sports, probably because my crappy health was never taken in account, and also because I really dislike team sports and competition.

I first went to the Couch to 5k website, like [ profile] anatsuno recommended me to. And I read quite a few other pages about running for beginners (read all the things!) and asked friends on Twitter and Facebook, so picked up a few tips :
-do warm ups and stretching before and after
-run on an empty stomach (I eat one toast because I used to get hypoglycaemic a bit too often)
-drink a lot, before and after
-have proper shoes and bra (I'm working on that. Turns out a bullet bra doubles as a sports bra quite well)
-run slowly at first, as comfortably as possible
-listen to music while running
-don't get exhausted, don't make your pulse race
-inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth (especially when it's cold)
-breathe naturally, don't try to sync with your steps
-exhale longer than you inhale
-when starting, run very short distances and alternate with walking, to build up endurance
-stay straight while running, relax your arms

I'm lucky to be living right next to the beautiful park Les Buttes Chaumont. The weather has been beautiful too. A bit fresh but very sunny. I didn't know what to expect of my first go on Thursday but I was very motivated. I woke up around 10:30, had a toast and coffee and did my warm ups at home. Then I put my music on and walked to the park and kept walking for a total of 5 min. I passed by many joggers, some young, some old, some thin, some fat, some with the whole gear, some with frumpy t shirts, some who seemed very confident, some who looked like they too were there for the first time. Not the intimidating crowd I expected.

I went very gently, alternating 1 min of running (not going much faster than my walking pace) and 1m30 of walking, listening to Lady Gaga, some J-pop and VNV Nation. I went on for 20 min. I stopped before the last run because I was panting for breath. Breathing is hard, I tend to over focus on it and end up doing it badly. But the whole thing was overall very nice, and left me full of energy. I really loved being in the sunny park too.

I am still stunned that I was able to do it. And enjoy it. After all these month of utter exhaustion, I was ready to give up on myself. Now I realize I probably might have been focusing on all the wrongs in my body too much, and maybe a bit too coddled too. I probably needed it, though. But now is the time to try new things to get better.

My right ankle has been bothering me though. My legs were a bit sore the day after, and especially my ankle. My hips aren't even so I might need some orthopaedic soles. But maybe getting proper running shoes will help.

I went running again this morning and was way better at breathing. I did the exact same routine and it seemed easier. It's weird ! I have always felt so foreign to these people running in the park. And now I'm doing it and I like it. I'm impatient to go again !


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